I turned 27 a couple of weeks ago. I usually try to take some time to reflect on what I learned in the last year, but this birthday, I put way too much on my plate and I wasn’t able to really sit and think about it until last Friday after my therapy session. Before I get into it, I know not everyone is privileged enough to do this, but if you can, please don’t work on your birthday. Even if you have nothing planned, don’t do it. Work will always be there, you deserve a day off ESPECIALLY on your birthday. Anyway, back to my point.
The theme of my life in the past year has been about returning to my authentic self. I’ve been doing freelance writing which is something I only dreamed about; I quit a job that no longer made me happy; my dating habits have changed drastically; and I’m making decisions without frantically consulting with someone else first. You know that scene in The Notebook when Noah is asking Allie what she wants? Well, this past year I’ve been Noah and Allie.
I’ve been focusing more on what I want, even when going after it doesn’t seem that simple.
I was under the impression that the more effort I put into being my authentic self, the easier life would become. But life is filled with challenges and situations that are out of our control. It turns out that returning to my authentic self isn’t like the “glow-up” we see on social media. It’s messy. There are tears, doubts, fear, and mistakes. But there’s also peace, growth, confidence, and more love.
I’ve been thinking about younger me. The things that made her happy and when she felt most like herself: writing emo poetry, making collages out of magazine cutouts, listening to Taylor Swift, and imagining that anything I could think of was possible, The limit did not exist, my friends.
But I’ve also been thinking about the decisions she made that weren’t really hers. Or the decisions she didn’t make because someone along the way made her believe she wasn’t good enough. I can’t help but feel sad about how much of my life has been spent living for someone else’s approval. I think it’s what life does to a lot of us. But I know that all that time wasn’t wasted because it’s brought me here. Like everyone else, I’m learning as I go. I have no doubt that younger me would be proud of who I’ve grown into.
To return to the authentic self isn’t about being who I was when I was five or even seventeen. It’s about honoring my feelings, needs, and curiosity. My feelings are mine and they are valid. As humans, we all have needs, and I shouldn’t have to pretend like I can do it all on my own. It’s okay to ask for help. Curiosity sparks creativity, and for so long I’ve neglected my creativity. By remaining curious, I can continue to learn and share what I’ve learned with others.
Returning to the authentic self isn’t about turning back time; it’s about moving forward in your truth. Some will say you have changed, others won’t like it, but your inner peace is above all that. It’s never too late to return to the authentic self and I’m grateful to be here.
Here are five things I enjoyed this past week (month?):
Maria Isabel’s new album
SEASON 5 OF LA CASA DE PAPEL (I’m obsessed in case you didn’t know)
This article by Maggie Zhou because I been sayin’
This YouTube video because I want this lady’s life
Delicious treats from a small business called Little Pleasures
Well, that’s all for this week! Thanks for tuning in to my newsletter. I hope you’ll stick around for more. Besos!
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