In My Room is about my existential thoughts, you guessed it — in my room! Here, I share my ideas and questions about identity, personal style, relationships, and mental health. I’m taking these thoughts and putting them online so that maybe someone somewhere in their room feels a little less lonely on their journey, too.
Some of my favorite online content to consume is women going on solo dates. I love watching their videos and reading/hearing their reflections. As I watched, I’d fantasize about the day when I’d finally try it out.
My younger sister is a big advocate for solo dates and my inspiration. She’ll drive to the park and watch the sunset by herself. She’s constantly reminding me that I need to set my standards by taking myself out on dates too. I’d nod in agreement but would let my fears stand in the way.
A couple of years ago, I went on a solo weekend trip to celebrate my new job. The Airbnb was adorable and it was incredible to be just a 15-minute walk from the beach. Unfortunately, I was really anxious at the time and didn’t enjoy it as much as I had hoped I would. Still, I’m extremely proud of myself for making the most of it with an anxious mind.
For a while, solo dates were completely out of the question because of my worsened mental health. I’m happy to share that I’m now in a much better place and when I heard last month that Xavi was going to be in town, I knew I had to see him. The initial plan wasn’t to go solo, but as the day of the concert approached, it seemed more and more likely that it would be the case. Here was my opportunity to experience a concert by myself with pretty low stakes given that the venue was only five minutes away from my apartment! So that was that. I was going.
The day of the concert was nerve-wracking but I had told enough people about my plan, so there was no turning back. I played Xavi’s songs, got ready, and put on an outfit I felt both confident and comfortable in.
While waiting in line to get in, I talked to the two girls behind me, secretly hoping they’d invite me to hangout with them. They didn’t LOL. Once inside, I felt awkward like if everyone could tell I was there alone. I’m also currently a sober girly, so I couldn’t have a drink to take the edge off. Once I found a spot, I tried making small talk with a few of the people next to me and eventually gave up. I decided I was better off trying to enjoy the concert itself.
Did I eventually forget I was there alone? No. I was mostly uncomfy, but I would remind myself that if at any point I wanted to leave, I could, and this was my security blanket. Releasing that pressure and being kind to myself was comforting. And to my surprise, I stayed until the end because I wanted to.
Concerts are more fun with friends AND you still shouldn’t miss out on one because you have no one to go with. I’m not about to make this a habit, but now that I’ve done it, I can do it again.
What I feel most grateful for after this experience is the confidence boost I received. I’m THAT girl that went to a concert by her motherfucking self. I mean, how cool is that? If I can do that alone, what can’t I do? I’m so glad I did it.
Now, going to dinner, visiting a museum, or watching the sunset by myself seems less daunting. I know we’re currently going through a loneliness epidemic, so I’m not advocating isolating ourselves; however, life is lifeing and it’s much too short to miss out on the things we love. Creating new experiences with yourself and just yourself is never time wasted.
Things I’ve been enjoying…
Reading: Consumed by Aja Barber and The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. I’m trying out rotating between one fiction and one non-fiction book. I’ll report back once I finish them!
Listening: The beef between Kendrick Lamar, Drake, and J. Cole. Yes, I’m a chismosa. #TeamKendrick
Watching: I’ve been trying to find *older* content creators and really enjoyed this video about a woman in her late thirties.
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